courtesy of zherui's blog. copyrighted crustation corporation
"Blogging for Dummies
Our fool-proof guide"
i was browsing through the magazine but the indian uncle was staring at me so i had to spend $3 on a bloody magazine.but anyways, here's a step-by-step guide on how to write a good blog (headings thanks to LIME)
1) Pick your host
the magazine says the first step is to get a good host. macam like parasite, must get a good host so your blog can grow like a bird's nest fern. next.
2) Make it visitor-friendly
in other words, insert more of those radio things on your blog so that visitors can listen to music while waiting eons for your main text to load. preferably add more graphics and backgrounds, or maybe a flash animation or two so that it is well worth the wait.
3) Don't say stupid stuff onlineas you can see, my blog doesn't have stupid stuff. look at my blog. do i post pictures of alan's hamster and have some stupid captions? do i post entries about my weird dreams? do i kaobeh kaobu about sylvester? of course! anything off this genre would be considered stupid.
4) Don't spill too many beans
obviously don't reveal too much about yourself or people may threaten you with valuable information. for example, if you're married and have herpes or syphilis, of course don't blog about it or people will threaten to tell your wife. but under certain circumstances if you really need to blog about your herpes or syphilis, make it more subtle by implication. like "of late, i have the sudden craving to grow fungi". like that, people also don't know what you talking about, so your information is kept safe.
5) Write well
i simply detest people who use 3 or 4 cheem cheem long words that don't mean anything in one sentence, because it seems so fake you know they probably are trying to pass off as an english guru of some sort. na*eh (paiseh exam time must have good karma so cannot scold vulgarities). these people should be banished to 18th level of hell to copy thesaurus for the rest of their lives.
6) Quality, NOT quantity!
quality what quality, to hell with quality lah. if cambridge really look at quality they won't set a minimum word limit of 500 to gp essays liao lah. therefore, as a form of practise, try to maintain each entry at about 500 - 800 words long. unless you're practising your summary, sky's the limit to quantity.
7) Stretch your creativity
be innovative because there are thousands of people who blog-surf everyday to read a few of the gazillion entries out there in the vast cyberworld. so maybe one day sim wong hoo will chance upon your blog because it's innovative and make you the CEO of creative (no pun intended). if you ripped your design from somewhere, try not to let it show. instead, make as if you designed it and other people kop. you know, like when you copy another person's homework but place your work on top of his, you get the idea.
8) Don't be a copycat
you know i'm positively sickified by the number of blog titles that contain these words: "welcome", "my world", "paradise", "searching"... the list goes on. buay tahan. why cannot come up with something cool like "like the sands of time, these are the days of our lives" or "you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake". here's a good one that will confirm generate many hits: "lovely asian lolita girls right here".
9) Come out of your cocoon
some people keep blogs to tell people what they ate for breakfast, how many times and how many pieces they defecated, how sylvester rocks blah blah. some people keep blogs to pretend they are really mysterious. you know, an alter ego in this cyber realm kind of thing. siao, more like schizo. but anyway, i think the most important reason to keep a blog is to prevent autism.
10) Stay disciplined
you must be disciplined enough to blog frequently, preferably once every public holiday. because during public holidays people will stay at home and be so boliao that they surf the net and then happen to read your blog, so you must always update to keep these people happy. once every deepavali is confirm too long.
to round up, here's a list of my favourite blogs:
1)
http://www.crustation.blogspot.com/
2)
http://crustation.blogspot.com/
3)
http://www.microsoft.com/
enjoy!
